Ok The Onion, it’s your move now

There’s a spectacular bit on 30 Rock where Jenna gets upset that Weird Al parodies one of her songs. In an effort to prevent him from doing it again, she writes and performs a song so ridiculous, it can’t possibly be parodied:


Weird Al being Weird Al, he one-ups her and releases this gem:

Which is a long way of getting to the point: Can you believe this “Jade Helm 15” nonsense? Jade Helm 15 is a military training operation in the southwestern part of the U.S. Some of the more…reality-challenged…folks have decided that this exercise is a precursor to a federal (or, somehow, Chinese) invasion of Texas.

No, really.

Greg Abbott, the governor of Texas, has state militiamen keeping a watchful eye on the exercises because…well, damned if I know, but he seems really concerned about it. Ted Cruz, the Texas senator who thinks he’s the next Reagan*, has had his people asking questions at the Pentagon. Even Chuck Norris is warning people not to believe the military about these exercises. The rumors have gotten so out there that Walmart, that bastion of socialist anti-Americanism, has released a statement that there is no truth to the rumors that five recently closed stores have a network of tunnels under them and after that…who knows?

I’m a huge fan of “making fun of idiots”, but how can one adequately mock something like this? At this point, we’ve gone so far beyond parody that I wonder if even The Onion, in all of its satirical splendor, is up to the task of mocking these folks. Isn’t their best play to “Normal Al” these folks and release a credible, sensible story with no weird twists or jokes whatsoever?

* I suppose this means that he plans to raise taxes, give amnesty to illegal aliens, negotiate with terrorists, and actively arm Iran. You know, like Reagan did.

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