I do these sorts of lists every now and again because I’m a masochist and I really, really like music and I’m still a masochist. I was in high school in 1984 and I had very definite ideas about what music is cool and what was old-timey stuff. Actually, I liked the stuff that I thought of as “Pretty Old” and “Classic”, but that’s kind of the point. Pink Floyd and the Beatles were “classics” that I really dug.
| Classification | Year | Examples |
| New! | 1984 | “Relax” Frankie Goes to Hollywood, “Time After Time” Cyndi Lauper, “People Are People” Depeche Mode |
| Modern | 1981 | “Crazy Train” Ozzy Osbourne, “Limelight” Rush, “Radio Free Europe” R.E.M. |
| Recent | 1978 | “Le Freak” Chic, “Baker Street” Gerry Rafferty, “Jocko Homo” Devo |
| Pretty Old | 1973 | “Money” Pink Floyd, “Frankenstein” Edgar Winter Group, “Tie A Yellow Ribbon” Tony Orlando and Dawn |
| Classic | 1969 | “Gimme Shelter” Rolling Stones, “Get Back” Beatles, “Aquarius” The 5th Dimension |
| Pre-classic | 1964 | “House Of The Rising Sun” The Animals, “I Want To Hold Your Hand” Beatles, “I Get Around” The Beach Boys |
| Too Old To Enjoy | 1959 | “Mack The Knife” Bobby Darin, “Venus” Frankie Avalon, “La Bamba” Richie Valens |
| Ancient | 1944 | “Don’t Fence Me In” Bing Crosby, “I’m Making Believe” Ella Fitzgerald |
Here’s where the masochism comes in. Here’s how things would look if a high school senior did the same thing next May:
| Classification | Year | Examples |
| New! | 2014 | ? |
| Modern | 2011 | “Fuck You” Cee Lo, “Niggas In Paris” Jay-Z and Kanye West, “Pumped Up Kicks” Foster The People |
| Recent | 2008 | “Paper Planes” M.I.A., “Stronger” Kanye West, “That’s Not My Name” The Ting Tings |
| Pretty Old | 2003 | “In Da Club” 50 Cent, “Clocks” Coldplay, “Are You Gonna Be My Girl” Jet |
| Classic | 1999 | “No Scrubs” TLC, “Praise You” Fat Boy Slim, “What’s My Age Again?” Blink-182 |
| Pre-classic | 1994 | “Buddy Holly” Weezer, “Longview” Green Day, “Regulate” Warren G featuring Nate Dogg |
| Too Old To Enjoy | 1989 | “Head Like A Hole” Nine Inch Nails, “Dr.Feelgood” Motley Crue, “Love Shack” B-52’s |
| Ancient | 1974 | “Band On The Run” Paul McCartney & Wings, “Killer Queen” Queen, “Rebel Rebel” David Bowie |
Wow…and ouch…and then wow again. Killer Queen is as old to a high school senior as Bing Crosby was to me. Nine Inch Nails debut is off their radar. Rivers Cuomo is their Eric Burdon. This is the sort of thing I need to remember when making cultural references to co-workers.
Now, excuse me while I go chase some kids off my lawn and hike my pants up to my nipples
