Making Myself Feel Old (music edition)

I do these sorts of lists every now and again because I’m a masochist and I really, really like music and I’m still a masochist. I was in high school in 1984 and I had very definite ideas about what music is cool and what was old-timey stuff. Actually, I liked the stuff that I thought of as “Pretty Old” and “Classic”, but that’s kind of the point. Pink Floyd and the Beatles were “classics” that I really dug.

Classification Year Examples
New! 1984 “Relax” Frankie Goes to Hollywood,
“Time After Time” Cyndi Lauper,
“People Are People” Depeche Mode
Modern 1981 “Crazy Train” Ozzy Osbourne,
“Limelight” Rush,
“Radio Free Europe” R.E.M.
Recent 1978 “Le Freak” Chic,
“Baker Street” Gerry Rafferty,
“Jocko Homo” Devo
Pretty Old 1973 “Money” Pink Floyd,
“Frankenstein” Edgar Winter Group,
“Tie A Yellow Ribbon” Tony Orlando and Dawn
Classic 1969 “Gimme Shelter” Rolling Stones,
“Get Back” Beatles,
“Aquarius” The 5th Dimension
Pre-classic 1964 “House Of The Rising Sun” The Animals,
“I Want To Hold Your Hand” Beatles,
“I Get Around” The Beach Boys
Too Old To Enjoy 1959 “Mack The Knife” Bobby Darin,
“Venus” Frankie Avalon,
“La Bamba” Richie Valens
Ancient 1944 “Don’t Fence Me In” Bing Crosby,
“I’m Making Believe” Ella Fitzgerald

Here’s where the masochism comes in. Here’s how things would look if a high school senior did the same thing next May:

Classification Year Examples
New! 2014 ?
Modern 2011 “Fuck You” Cee Lo,
“Niggas In Paris” Jay-Z and Kanye West,
“Pumped Up Kicks” Foster The People
Recent 2008 “Paper Planes” M.I.A.,
“Stronger” Kanye West,
“That’s Not My Name” The Ting Tings
Pretty Old 2003 “In Da Club” 50 Cent,
“Clocks” Coldplay,
“Are You Gonna Be My Girl” Jet
Classic 1999 “No Scrubs” TLC,
“Praise You” Fat Boy Slim,
“What’s My Age Again?” Blink-182
Pre-classic 1994 “Buddy Holly” Weezer,
“Longview” Green Day,
“Regulate” Warren G featuring Nate Dogg
Too Old To Enjoy 1989 “Head Like A Hole” Nine Inch Nails,
“Dr.Feelgood” Motley Crue,
“Love Shack” B-52’s
Ancient 1974 “Band On The Run” Paul McCartney & Wings,
“Killer Queen” Queen,
“Rebel Rebel” David Bowie

Wow…and ouch…and then wow again. Killer Queen is as old to a high school senior as Bing Crosby was to me. Nine Inch Nails debut is off their radar. Rivers Cuomo is their Eric Burdon.  This is the sort of thing I need to remember when making cultural references to co-workers.

Now, excuse me while I go chase some kids off my lawn and hike my pants up to my nipples

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