The NFL Has An Animated Cartoon-Like “Thing”

I’ve had better weekends. Three days without power now and no ETA on restoration, so I’m in a hotel and watching TV. We’ve been getting all of our TV over the interwebs for several years now, so it’s been quite an education. Commercials are way more jarring than I remember and it’s a little disappointing the degree to which all of the specialty channels (HG, Food, etc.) have become game show networks. It’s been a magnificent lesson in “why spending any money on cable whatsoever would feel like a waste to me.” 

But, the undisputed winner of the “Holy #$^$%, is this really a thing?” award is: NFL Rush Zone: Guardians of the Core!

Before I go and read the Wiki article, let me try to explain what I think I saw. It seemed to be about a group of five kids, the obligatory white guy, white girl, asian guy, black guy, and hispanic guy. They could turn into some kind of football robot thing, each with some kind of signature move. They are called guardians because they guard something. I think it was something called a  megacore. There’s one for each team and it has the team logo. There are also things called “rusherz” that are little versions of the team mascot as pokemon*. They’re aided by real NFL coaches and players who teach them lessons and seemed to show some NFL highlights. They’re fighting some sort of evil football players called “Wild Card” and maybe “Sudden Death.” who want the megacore doohickeys for some reason. 

It’s about a step below the Saturday morning cartoons that tried to make breakfast cereals into TV shows. It’s ham-fisted, patronizing, obvious, and just flat out boring. I’ve seen some terrible television but this is quite possibly the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. If your idea of fun is watching an advertisement for the NFL pretending to be some sort of kids show, then this is probably right up your alley…and you’re probably not reading this blog…or much anything….ever.


* The plural of pokemon is pokemon.



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